Wednesday, March 25, 2009

TeenAsianSluts.Porn: Poll Results Are In

So last poll I ran was about how FBC! could make some money, which I need badly since LA drivers insist on totaling my car(s) every 18-month or so, or else stealing and dismembering them (seriously: 4 cars over the last 5 years). You add to the mix that I'm dangerously and precariously under-employed, and Pomme and I could become homeless as soon as June comes. Like, in 3 months.

So you overwhelmingly voted for me to rename FBC! "TeenAsianSluts.Porn" after the most common type of junkmail found in my mailbox, in an attempt to drive up traffic and maybe, finally, make money through Google AdSense (news for you my friends: if I run them again, you actually have to CLICK on them in order for me to get pennies. As in, 1 cents per million click, I kid you not).
The 2 other suggestions were:
a) for me to sell cutesy pictures of Pomme to Hallmark, but Pomme disagrees, she says she doesn't want too many human admirers as she fears stalkers
b) to find a louche backer and open a speakeasy downtown. I'd love to do that, please, louche backers, come email me and let's find some place!

Unfortunately, until all these materialize I'll probably be thrown on the streets with Pomme, and we won't even have the possibility to live inside Mam'zelle VaVaVoom, since my insurance insists it's totaled (and doesn't offer me enough money for a replacement, obviously).
So, before this happens, and I am very, very serious now, I'd totally appreciate a fundraiser to benefit my Frenchy self and my feline sidekick. I mean, what's the point of bailing out lame Wall Sreet bankers and outrageously incompetent giant insurers if one lone Frenchy blogger cannot keep on entertaining the millions, yes the millions of reader who come daily on FBC?
I take cash, gold bullions, paypal. Or a job. Say, at a museum.
No cashier check not Nigerian princesses. Meet me at LACMA under Chris Burden's light, I'll take your ill-gotten bonus, and you can pass it off as charity and get a tax deduction!

PS: aggressive lawyers specialized in milking at-fault drivers: please drop me an email, with references. Thank you.

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